I've been a bit busy. Not much of an excuse, but it's the only explanation I can offer at the moment.
Birthday #39 came and went without to much to-do. To say that I've been down is a bit of an understatement: the more I take stock of my life, the more I wish I had made much different choices, and the more I dread what's to come. I have also been thinking of "her", of how much I miss her, of how I didn't deserve her, and how I will never meet another like her. I am growing more and more aware of just how lonely my future is going to be.
I fear Winter has come to my soul, and the storms that blow through bring winds more bitter and sharp than any before.
It has finally turned cold here in Boston--no more Indian Summer, now comes Old Man Winter. Naturally, in keeping with the logic of the bureaucracy of the City, my winter gear has yet to be issued--the vendor is waiting until enough orders come in to warrant issuing the gear. They have my size in stock (surprising, given my girth), but I can't get it until everyone submits their paperwork and gets their measurements in. Under better conditions, one of the sergeants would take the officers down to the vendor during the work-day; but given the fact that 1) we don't have the vehicles to transport personnel, and 2) we can't afford to spare the man-power during the day, it simply isn't going to happen.
Meanwhile, the days grow colder, and I ache and shiver in kind.
Dear God, I feel
old.
