Notes from the Dog Watch

Chemo--round two

Tuesday was my second round of chemotherapy--four hours at the clinic, and then the diffusion pump for 46 hours. The clinic was busy, no doubt because of the holiday the day previous.

As per the first round, the noticeable impacts were delayed until I got home. The fatigue set in pretty slowly, coming to full force around just about quitting time Wednesday. By the time I got home, the only thing I wanted to do was sleep--which is why this is being written at 0100hrs. instead of some rational hour. My insomnia lost the battle around 1730, but I rarely sleep more than six hours at a stretch anymore, so the Dog Watch and I are familiar.

The nausea is mild right now. Finally figured out that my prescription for Lorazepram couldn't have been sent electronically: because the medication is a controlled substance (low doses reduce nausea, while higher doses remove anxiety). The hard-copy the doctor had handed me two weeks ago was the actual script that I needed to pick it up.

The neuropathy is stronger this time, and it is manifesting in my throat; when I drink something cold, I experience mild pain and constriction in my throat, just above the adam's apple. I would describe it as swallowing dull thumb-tacks, but it's a bit milder than that. I'm trying to stick to warm and room-temperature beverages for now. Makes taking my meds in the morning a little tough, but I manage.

Currently reading (or, trying to read) two books: Book in a Month: The Fool-Proof System for Writing a Novel in 30 Days by Victoria Lynn Schmidt, and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray. Ms. Schmidt includes an interesting chapter on goals, with a very useful (at least, to me it seems quite useful) motivational exercise which is to visualize one's life from it's far end--old age--and think about what one would feel not written the novel that you want to write now, and to use the emotional impact to help drive one to write the novel. I have seen this same exercise used elsewhere, and the idea of using that future pain to motivate oneself away from a course that leads to it. The trouble for me is holding onto the memory of that future pain, of remembering just how bad it will be if I don't make serious alterations to my life in the here and now. Laziness settles in very quick. So, sometimes, sudden, radical changes are needed to force me onto a new course of action, to jar me out of my complacency and get my as moving.

I think I'm about due for a radical change.